My life is not in my hands I don’t control everything


The hardest most liberating statement I have made to date.

Everyone at one point or another went through this stage in their lives when they feel that they know who they are, what they want, they are working hard for their visions, doing the best they can, doing everything right. But, nothing is working. The hard work does not pay.

I am in the middle of that and I am far from having it all figured out. I am far from any ounce of certainty or stability. I have been confused, frustrated and saddened by this simple fact. All that time spent in loneliness, in silence, visualising my future trying to mould my destiny implementing a rational strategy to make my aspirations come true left me completely empty.

But I have made the hard decision to let go of control. I just know now that contrary to some inspiring books or articles I stumbled upon, my life is not completely in my hands. I am not the queen of my destiny. I have a role to play but I do not control everything.  There are a certain number of facts that are completely out of my control and out of my reach spiritually. I simply can’t plan and predict everything.

For a long time, I have been blaming myself for not being where I wanted to be in my life. For a long time, I thought that the struggles I was going through were all because of me, because I was not doing enough.

I know now that I don’t know what is happening and I have decided to stop burdening myself with that. I do not have everything figured out and that is ok I am convinced now that when you have done everything you possibly could you must rely on a greater ability which always works for your greatest good.

There are a number of lessons I have learnt while going through this phase, those are ideas that helped me to let go and the moment I processed those paradigms I became free.

  1. I learnt that letting go of control is similar to letting go of fear. Control is rooted in fear and faith is the best way to combat fear.
  2. I learnt that we do not always know what is best for us. Therefore, getting attached to a single outcome or to a single process does not make sense.
  3. Control feels troubling and stressful whereas surrendering feels peaceful.

© Featured picture my own

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