My father did not take care of me while growing up. Finally seeing him after more than ten years for the first time as an adult trying to implement a healthy daughter-father relationship something I dreamed of, reinforced the deep feeling of abandonment I thought it would silence. It had broken me in an incomparable way. I have then decided to distance myself from him, from the situation. When I have decided to put self-care at the centre of my philosophy I healed. This situation will always affect me but I am not hurt by it anymore.
I don’t consider myself a victim, I consider myself more than anything else as privileged to have been brought up with people who cared, to have been nurtured by love and a great amount of unconditional support.
I eventually came to the point where I am conscious that being fatherless affects my views on a number things, especially on men’s behaviour but I do not suffer from it anymore.
Being a fatherless daughter is too often seen as normal or frequent. It is not enough considered as a social issue. However, it really needs to be dealt with as such. The lack of acknowledgement is an obstacle regarding the healing process of those daughters. There need to be more mechanisms, social projects, digital resources, mentoring projects regarding this issue. To this day those are unattainable to me and many more fatherless daughters.
Being fatherless makes you more vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Fatherlessness can impact daughters differently depending on its nature, on the daughter social environment and the daughter personality. However, it often results in self-blame in cases of voluntary absence and low self-esteem in many instances.
Throughout the years, I often question myself as a person like anyone else. However, when I was going through valleys, all of that pain came back to me and contributed to my misery. It often crossed my mind that: “At the end of the day how could others put up with you when your own flesh and blood decided to give up on you?”. You wonder if you are lovable at all since it appears that your own father does not love you enough to care for you.
Just like I healed I am convinced that any fatherless daughters can heal from the psychological trauma experienced. It is a long process and a genuine work of consciousness.
To break free from those emotional barriers that build over the years and that overtook your well-being as an individual:
- Forgiveness is everything, forgiveness is so powerful, it helps you to reconcile yourself with your history and restore yourself on a higher mental level. It is essential to let go of negative emotions. Forgive him as well, I mean forgiveness is all about you. It does not mean that you forget where you came from. It just means that you are willing to take the next step to feel well. You are willing to release pain, anger and negativity which in turn can only leave more room for love, happiness and joy. In this process, it is important to hope him well too.
- Someone who can let go of their own child must be dealing with their own issues. It is important to understand that it has nothing to do with you, that it is not personal and that you are not unworthy. Most importantly, you are worthy of your own appreciation. The certainty that his absence is not your fault needs to be digested
Tools that helped me
Write about your story: Put your story on paper you need to accept your story to put think things through without holding yourself. Meditate about the way you can shift from you mentality and break free from the situation
Read positive content: Read content on, forgiveness, on the importance of self-love and of self-worth.
Meditate on forgiveness: Inhale and exhale focusing on forgiveness.
“Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life, to allow life to live through you.The alternatives are pain and suffering, a greatly restricted flow of life energy, and in many cases physical disease. The moment you truly forgive, you have reclaimed your power from the mind. ” – E. Tolle
© Pictures in article my own