Why are we so hard on ourselves?

Why are we continuously sabotaging ourselves?

Having self-esteem is great but it should not cause anxiety when our skills and abilities do not translate in our life. We too often forget the things we should hold on to when our expectations do not match our reality: personal growth, learning experiences, character building, resilience, creativity and so much more. Big achievements are partly dependent on external circumstances​; however we are in control of how we decide to process our becoming which is power in itself.

2One of the major lessons I have learnt this year is how self-compassionate is healing. I understood the importance of being more accepting, accurate, kind and patient towards where I stand on my journey.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is about:

  • Being kind and understanding the same way we would to friends without harsh judgment.
  • Being mindful of our circumstances without denying them or suppressing our feelings nor exaggerating them.
  • Relating to other experiences for we are all on a journey therefore there is no need to feel lonely.

I already mentioned the importance of acceptance, of being comfortable with the unknown, yet self-compassion goes even further. Self-compassion deals with the power that lies in being more just, loving and connected regardless of our achievements or expectations.

1How could we be more self-compassionate?

Here are some tools and exercices that can come handy: 

  • Writing our advice for friends or family member dealing with the same concern
  • Writing a letter to ourselves and address it like you would to a friend or family member
  • Pausing and meditating on the 3 elements of self-compassion: Self-kindness / Common humanity / Mindfulness
  • Writing a personal mission statement, the solid expression of our values first and of our vision then which may keep you motivated and focus.

 0How does it help?

Being more self-compassionate is key for we will always have bigger goals and the journey to some of them may be longer than to others. This mentality allows us to elevate our state of mind and to be more comfortable with ourselves. We will always remain in that skin so we should try and make the most of our experiences even when our expectations are not met.

More info on self-compassion.